Shakin' That Ass

Cheerleaders.
Everyone has their own perception of a cheerleader... and most are the opposite of me.

Short skirts? ...jeans
Sexy dancing? ...my signature 'alternating dolphin' move
Flexible? ...awarded the tightest hamstrings title in my class
Confident? ...that awkward feeling when someone watches me chop vegetables.

Basically, I'm not cut out for cheerleading. So why I gave it a shot? Who knows...
I like to say that it's because the gymnastic and stunting part is incredible and I aspired to such roles, but on the first session my abs revealed themselves as inadequate for any form of flying. Maybe it was for the overall challenge. 

The first few weeks were cringe making to the extreme. At the end of every session someone would be awarded the spirit stick, and to be honest that's quite a nice concept however the cheery song to congratulate the winner was... interesting. It goes along the lines of 'we are proud of you say we are proud of you *clap clap*' repeat a few times with 'woooaaaah good job!' at the end. American accents required, of course.

After the few weeks, I got over it. The unnatural arse wiggling and tit shaking was a challenge too far though. That was until, however, I won the spirit stick for my arse wiggling and tit shaking.

Now that was a weird experience.
...most likely to be sympathy.

Through all of that, I decided to compete. A national competition for arse wiggling, tit shaking and co-ordinated dance whilst wearing short skirts, smiling like a maniac and pretending to be flexible.

It was the cheeriest place I've ever been to, but in an annoying way. Everyone was loud and ridiculously keen. There were many a 'we are proud of you' and too many incredibly proud parents. Yet once you got into it, it became addictive. The poms came out, as did the ridiculous cheering and jumping up and down at any opportune moment. All in all? Enjoyable!

Made for an awkward admittance as to why I was so knackered on placement. My colleagues perceptions somewhat changed on that day, but it remains far from the worst scenarios. There's something about me that makes me approachable... people feel they can open up to me. In the Older Persons Assessment Unit, this becomes that little bit more awkward. Here are two prime examples:

• There I was, carrying out a typical falls assessment on a woman who, admittedly, was taking control. However, she was happy and I was completing what I needed to in order to ascertain the situation. Until...
  'Have you ever had sex?'
  Firstly, this was a little insulting and secondly, this was incredibly awkward when the person supervising me (my clinical educator) is well within earshot.
  'Urmmmm yes, but why? I'm not sure if this is appropriate'
  Turns out she wanted to tell me dirty jokes about her son, and this was only worth doing if I'd ever given sex a shot. In all credit to her, the semi-dirty jokes were hilarious and we had a right laugh for the rest of the assessment. We built a good rapport, I obtained a good idea of her problems and ways to resolve them and she was keen to return the following week. Win-win if you ask me.
  My clinical educator was not so chuffed - reckons it's unprofessional
  
  
• 'This dizziness is hard to cope with'
  'Hrmm, I can only imagine'
  'I can't roll in bed, and have to sleep on my side and, well... y'know. It's making it very difficult to be intimate with a man'
  At this point, I desperately had to restrain myself from recommending the Karma Sutra. Pretty certain that goes against professionalism. Shame really, as it would probably have been incredibly useful.
  

I See You Baby - Groove Armada