Who Doesn't Stand Up To Wipe Their Arse?

You know the weird, kind of drunk looking person that's sat on the tube? Passengers tend to look at them and wonder why they are so engrossed in their heavy music before moving a seat away? The kind of person that slumps down a wall at a tube station and accidentally sits in spilt coffee? Well yesterday, that was me.

I'd just had my feedback day from my first physiotherapy placement and, well, it wasn't great. It's not that anything particularly negative had been said it was simply that it didn't come across in a particularly positive light. I journeyed back home, contemplating what yummy lunch I could make up for myself that I could nibble on whilst chilling in the bath, and all in good time before I had to leave for Reading. I pumped up the volume of 'Feel So Close' and strode down the street, up to my front door, only to realise I had no keys. My thought processes went a little like this:

'NO KEYS?! Oh bloody hell.
Fine, maybe next door will be in. [They weren't].
Fine, maybe George'll be in. [He wasn't].
Fine, maybe I can break down the door. [I'm no way near daring or strong enough].
Fine, I may be desperate for the toilet and some good food but you win. I give up. I'm going to Reading.'

Managing to suppress the anger, I wrote a note explaining to my housemates why I had posted various belongings through the front door and made my way to the pub. By the time I got there my I'm-desperate-for-a-pee waddle was in full form and I got a few weird looks on the way in, but after a relieving tinkle I sat down with a double G&T and took part in one of my favourite pastimes: imagining what feast I would have if I could afford everything on the menu.

But enough of that day, a good bit of Sushi and Watsits cheered me up suitably and my journey to Reading was somewhat uneventful.

The other day I was sat on the toilet happily peeing away when one my housemates kicked the door in. This sounds far more dramatic than it actually was, mainly because I don't lock the door so really she just kicked it open. Before I managed to slam the door back in their faces they caught a glimpse of my (somewhat tiny) arse as a stood facing the toilet. Now, does this sound peculiar to you? Because until that day I didn't think there was any other way of wiping your arse unless you stood up. After a slightly personal poll, I came to the conclusion that the majority of people wipe their arse whilst sat on the toilet. This to me is a bizarre concept.

Regardless of the day, the emotion and whatever gets chucked your way. This song can make you happy, and will forever remind me of the Duchenne's kid - inspirational chap!

Feel So Close - Calvin Harris